


the stars told me you'd be here

by leeknowcity



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Best Friends to ?, Confessions, Eric is too, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Juyeon is Sunwoo's best friend, Late Night Conversations, M/M, SPACE ALIENS, Things you said too quietly, Things you said while I was asleep, juric, sunric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:27:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28583490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leeknowcity/pseuds/leeknowcity
Summary: “Sometimes I just wish you’d stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself, and understand what I mean. Because I’m always looking at you.”Sunwoo finds his hand reaching out for him again, just centimeters away from his lips, but he stops himself dead in his tracks one more time, fingernails digging into his palm.(Or, the many words Kim Sunwoo had for Eric Sohn, that he kept in the confines of his fragile, fragile heart.)
Relationships: Kim Sunwoo/Son Youngjae | Eric, Lee Juyeon/Son Youngjae | Eric
Comments: 14
Kudos: 40





	the stars told me you'd be here

If you asked Sunwoo what it was about Eric Sohn, he would say many, many things. One of them was something about the stars.

  
Sunwoo would tell you Eric Sohn was a lot like a _star_ — his star, his greatest wish, the center of his universe.

* * *

The nap Eric really should not have been taking on the mountain hills of chemistry review material is cut short by the sounds of shuffling feet, a grunt from outside, and the window, sliding up and open as a familiar tuft of red hair comes into view.

“Oh no, Sunwoo, wait—“

“Ow! Jesus!”

“—careful. The window doesn’t open all the way up like before now.” Eric sighs, pushing both hands against the sides of his face.

The room is dim, only illuminated by the faint orange of Eric’s desk lamp when Sunwoo comes rolling in onto the floor, a hand over the spot on his head that throbbed from bumping into the window frame.

“Why not?”

“No one asked you to come in through the window!”

“Damn, okay, I didn’t ask to be born this cool.”

Eric rushes out of his seat and kneels down beside him on the floor, grimacing as he examines Sunwoo’s head in his hands. He softly brushes the red hair sticking to his forehead away, and Sunwoo tries not to think too much about the burning sensations the contact sent down his skin. Sunwoo dares to look up at him and although, fortunately, not meeting his eyes, finds himself listening to the quiet beat of Eric’s heart in his chest.

“Sunwoo,” Eric huffs, detaching his fingers from his face. “Has anyone ever told you you are an absolute idiot?”

“It’s how people greet me good morning.”

“Then I’m glad to know things are still in order.”

Sunwoo scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Please, you love me.”

He gets a whack on the head with a notebook for that.

“Well, I love an idiot.” Eric tells him while getting up and back to his desk, where all was going much, much more peaceful before chaos in the form of red hair and stupidity literally came crashing through the window.

“Okay, professor, then what are we doing this late at night?” Sunwoo asks, peering over his shoulder, their faces closer than they should’ve been.

“Cramming.” Eric says in between yawns. “My expertise.”

“The model student in all his glory, indeed, Mr. Sohn.”

“Why thank you, Mr. Kim. It’s always great to hear from the model delinquent.” He retorts.

Sunwoo chuckles heartily, dropping back down onto the floor where he proceeds to lie flat on his back, arms and legs sprawled across the carpet like an excited octopus. Eric shoots a crumpled piece of defective gas laws worksheet in his direction to which, Sunwoo dodges excellently, kicking his legs in the air like a toddler would. 

“Model student, model delinquent.” Sunwoo says after a moment, pointing to Eric then himself. “We could be the star couple in a 60’s romantic comedy slash musical, you know?”

“Right.” Eric says without looking at him.

“You’re the preppy church girl with the strict parents, the good grades and the good faith and I’m the extremely sexy high school biker gang leader you can’t help but fall for.”

Eric responds by throwing a similarly defective ballpoint pen at him.

“Then one day you decide to screw the studying and the Bible groups and turn into a complete rebel just for me. But don’t worry, in the end, I fall for you, too.” Sunwoo throws in a wink at that last part, silently wondering if he’d notice it was really, awfully, too much of the other way around.

Eric stares at him in disbelief, mouth hanging wide open. “Did you just describe the exact plot of _Grease_?”

“And did you just sit through that? I guess you do love me.” Sunwoo beams.

“I will hit you a second time, you know _that_?”

Sunwoo throws his hands up in surrender.

The air grows relatively silent after that, with Eric returning to reviewing and Sunwoo still lying on his back on the carpet as the laughter subsides and slow, heavy breaths turn into the only sound anyone can hear for miles. Eric sits with his back in an arc, his small, exhausted figure a silhouette by the faint illumination of orange on his desk.

Sunwoo thinks even his silhouette is to die for, quietly watching the boy as he rubs at his eyes with every stifle of a yawn and highlight of a page. He watches as the breeze of the late night outside blows through the window and at Eric’s golden blonde hair, softly grazing his cheekbones with a streak of the below-zero degree.

Maybe if Sunwoo was just a little braver than he thought he was, he wouldn’t have to keep what looking at Eric like that did to him, a secret, in the confines of his fragile, fragile heart.

“Youngjae-ah,”

“Hmm,”

“Don’t… don't overwork yourself.”

Eric turns in his chair to face him, a single yawn from his lips, and Sunwoo swears his eyes sparkle when he blinks. “You know that I try, Sunwoo.”

Sunwoo rests his head on his arm, nodding, positioning himself so his entire frame is facing Eric’s direction. “I know it’s been hectic though, the requirements and deadlines flying all over the place and all at once.” Eric stretches an arm over his head, also nodding in agreement.

“And for you and Juyeon-hyung both, apparently. I haven’t seen either of you relaxed since the semester started.”

At the mention of him, Eric immediately perks up, sitting up straight in his seat. His focus jumps from the floor to Sunwoo, a confusing mix of concern and hurting and dead worry painted across his face. Sunwoo catches the obvious change in the mood, and is quick to reassure him, though.

“Hey he’s doing okay, though. Clearly, a lot better than you are at learning to take a break when you have to.” Sunwoo says, raising an eyebrow at him.

Eric scans the digital clock on the wall that lit up at 2:14 before wheeling himself back to his study table, and exhaling heavily. “Remember when I always used to study with him?” He rubs at his eyes again.

“To make sure he was reading with enough light, or sitting right so his neck didn’t hurt after, or just so I could help him with any questions he had.” Eric shakes his head, laughing. “Because Juyeon-hyung never did get rid of those habits.”

Sunwoo stays silent, listening intently because Eric seemed like he could talk about Juyeon forever— in a way a lot like he could talk about Eric forever— and ignoring the poison arrow that sent flying into his chest. “Yeah, I remember.”

Eric slumps back into his seat with a sigh, looking down at the floor sadly. “But ever since the new semester started, I haven’t been able to do anything beyond sending an energy drink or two every morning. I rarely get to see him anymore and sometimes we’re just both too busy to even call. It’s tough.” He tells him, his voice almost faltering.

“He’s doing well, Eric. And so are you. You’re a great boyfriend to him.” Sunwoo makes sure he says loud enough for him to hear.

The corners of Eric’s lips rise into a half-smile. “You think so?”

“Please. I’d kill for someone to send me an energy drink or two every morning.”

Eric giggles a little in appreciation before his smile starts to drop into one that didn’t quite match his eyes.

“Hey, Sunwoo?”

Sunwoo responds with a hum, folding his lips into a warm smile.

“Just— please take care of him, for me.”

Sunwoo could pinpoint the exact moment he felt his heart freeze in its place, internally cursing himself for still wishing, still hoping for something so out of reach. He doesn’t show it, though, pushing the sensation down and choosing to give Eric the sense of comfort he needed— even if it didn’t really come from him. Juyeon was still his best friend, after all.

“Okay, Eric-ah.”

Eric practically glows with gratitude, the relief washing over him in seconds.

“But only if you let me take care of you, too.” Sunwoo says a little too quickly, but means every word. “For Juyeon-hyung. Of course.”

Sunwoo doesn’t really know what he’s thinking when he gets up and walks over to a confused Eric by his desk, carefully taking his hand in his over the sleeves of the light purple pull-over that stretched over Eric’s arms. Before he realizes what, exactly, he’d just done they’re both laying on the carpet, on their backs, staring at the blank ceiling and only small, small inches away from each other.

“Huh,”

“What?”

“Nothing, I just… the stars on your ceiling.”

Eric’s view shifts to the lone constellation of three at the very corner of his room, feeling a little embarrassed.

“I guess the other ones fell off.”

“Yeah.”

The silence tugs at Sunwoo’s heart, desperately pushing him to the test, too strong and forceful of a push against his walls for him to fight back.

“Hang on.”

Sunwoo sits up, reaching for his backpack and rummaging through its contents. His face seems to light up when he finds what he’s looking for; a plastic bag— filled with glow-in-the-dark stars. Eric almost has to suppress a laugh, eyes crinkling at the sides in refusal to believe any of it.

“So you just have this on you?” Eric asks, motioning to the decoration.

“Maybe this was my plan all along.” Sunwoo replies as he gets up on a footstool, his each and every syllable very much whipped, and only for Eric Sohn.

“Sunwoo!”

A small, folded piece of paper falls at Sunwoo’s feet, close enough for Eric to reach.

“10,000 won?!”

Sunwoo continues pasting the stars onto Eric’s ceiling. “Well geez, sorry not even your miracle-worker is safe from the inescapable chains of capitalism.”

“Oh my God.”

“I'm awesome, I know.” He says, flashing him a hint of a dimple in his cheek when he grins. Eric can never not roll his eyes at him.

After a considerable amount of work, Sunwoo steps back down, dusting his hands together and chuckling as a sense of accomplishment fills his blood when he looks up at the ceiling. He shoves the empty plastic into the pocket of his backpack before crawling back to where he and Eric lay in darkness. Sunwoo turns his head to look at him, both eyebrows raised.

“Pretty good, right?”

Eric meets his gaze for a little, a giggle escaping his own lips.

“Oh it’s pretty magical, Sunwoo.”

Sunwoo almost never wants the moment to end, but everything with him is short-lived. Eric returns to the stars before Sunwoo even has the chance to believe that, for a moment— for a perfect, beautiful, moment beyond compare— he was looking at Eric Sohn, and Eric Sohn was looking back.

In the end he thinks it doesn’t matter, really, though, because wherever Eric Sohn was looking; at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling, at his homework, at Juyeon, his other best friend in the whole wide world who deserved everything he had— Sunwoo was always looking at him, anyway.

“Do you believe in aliens?”

Sunwoo feels the vibrations in his chest when he laughs at the suddenness of the question. “What, what kind?”

“I was thinking space. The extraterrestrial.”

“Huh. Dunno, actually. I haven’t thought about that enough.” Sunwoo replies. “Do you?”

“Dunno. But I like them.” Eric tells him, folding his lips inward. “Just felt like a fun topic, since we’re under the ‘stars’ and all.”

Sunwoo steals another glance at him from the corner of his eye, fast and used to it enough not to get caught. “Alright then, Mr. Astronaut, why don’t you tell me something I might like to know.” He turns on his side so he’s facing Eric, propping himself up on his elbow, a familiar glint in his eyes and charm in his smile when he looks at him.

Sunwoo can hear him smacking his lips against each other in the sudden returning silence, immediately recognizing Eric’s habit when in deep thought.

“Humans are actual specks of dust in comparison to the entire planet, and the Earth is a speck of dust in comparison to the entire Milky Way Galaxy, and the Milky Way Galaxy’s almost nothing in comparison to the rest of the endless galaxies in the universe.”

“Uh-huh. So, humans are irrelevant, and there’s this chocolate galaxy I’m only hearing about now?”

“You’re lucky you’re adorable, you know that, Sunwoo?”

Sunwoo nods his head up and down in agreement, shrugging. “I do.”

Eric laughs, shaking his head. “Of course, you do. And humans _are_ irrelevant, if you think about it, actually. It’s funny because man thinks he’s the greatest there is when he’s absolutely nothing, zero, just an invisible floating speck of dust in dark black space.”

Sunwoo often felt like dark black space— constant, but unnoticed, and some of the brightest stars just never seemed to realize he was there. He chews on his bottom lip, fighting the silent force that dared him to move closer, and closer, and become a brighter planet for a star— _the_ star— to notice. Before he can do anything, though, Eric speaks up.

“The scale of the universe is beyond human comprehension. I’m not positive anyone will ever truly understand just how massive and endless the space we are in is. That being said, I like to think we can’t be the only ones out here. We may have some friends we haven’t met roaming the unknown.” Eric’s voice grows heavy, slurred, laced with exhaustion and the desperate need to recharge, but Sunwoo can only really pay enough attention to the way his eyes sparkled when he spoke.

It was enchanting, he thought. Eric Sohn pulled him into his magic in more ways than one.

“What do you think?” Eric asks in the form of a yawn, rolling on his back as he stretches.

“That’s pretty cool, Eric, I have to admit. You think about things like that a lot?”

“When I’m not drowning in work, sure. I get bored.”

Sunwoo chuckles, relating to the sentiment. His back starts to ache from staying in the same position on his side for too long.

“Hey, you wanna know what I think?”

“I’m not too sure.”

“Son Youngjae, you will be impressed.”

Eric stares at him, all too serious and in a little bit of disbelief, before breaking out into laughter at Sunwoo’s expression. “Of course, I will. Shoot, Kim Sunwoo.”

“I think the stars are like the wise, old guardians of the universe.”

Sunwoo catches Eric’s radiant smile even in the dark, under only the faint glow of their makeshift stars on the ceiling. “So, what do the wise, old guardians of the universe do?”

“I was thinking they gave out messages and signs or something. You know how some people like to go, ‘it’s a sign from the universe!’, whenever something even remotely convenient happens when they least expect it? Yeah, I make fun of them, whatever, but maybe it is. A sign from the universe— from the stars, to be exact.”

Eric lets out a little ‘oh wow’ in surprise. “Sunwoo, who are you?”

“The stars told me not to say.” Sunwoo replies, eyebrow lifted, trapping his lower lip in his teeth.

“And I know I don’t seem like I believe in fate, because I don’t. At least, not the extremely delusional, romanticized version of it. But somehow, I like to think it’s real. I like to think most, if not all, encounters, all meetings, first and second and last, were some things the stars had planned, specifically, intentionally. Some things are just way too good and real to have been coincidence.”

It’s futile, he thinks, the way Sunwoo still chooses to hold a tiny, tiny amount of hope in him every time he turns to stare at the boy who owns everything of whatever’s left of his heart. He locks his view on the soft touch of blonde hair against Eric’s fluttering eyelids, exhaling a suppressed sigh at his absolute ethereality.

“It’s you and Juyeon-hyung.” He tells him after a moment, chest heavy.

“And you and me.” Eric responds sleepily.

The thumping in his ribcage is so much louder where no one speaks, but Sunwoo thinks he’s just a little extra pathetic for flattering himself.

“You and me.” Sunwoo says quietly, biting down on his lower lip.

Eric softly hums in agreement, placing his hand on top of Sunwoo’s for a moment awfully too quick, and Sunwoo wonders what it all meant. If it did— mean anything at all.

_Maybe in a universe farther away from this one, the wise, old guardians of the sky would have aligned our fates differently, wouldn't they have?_

The absence of any sound that wasn't the wind from outside, or the pages on Eric's table flipping against each other, or the soft, continuous breathing from the two of them on the floor wasn't quite as calming as he'd think it would be. Sunwoo cannot, for the love of himself, find it in him to relax, just long enough to get his heart to follow suit. He opens and closes his eyes, looks at and then away from his favorite subject, fiddles and then stops fiddling with the hem of his jacket. The room stays quiet for so much longer than he expected.

“Eric-ah?”

Without him even realizing it, the weeks of pure exhaustion had finally managed to take over Eric’s stubborn body clock, leaving him out cold in the dark. Sunwoo frowns watching Eric’s chest rise up and down, soft, quiet snores escaping his lips. He needed the rest so badly, Sunwoo felt terrible for keeping him up. “I’m sorry, I should’ve just let you sleep.”

Sunwoo repositions himself so he’s on his side instead of flat on his back again, one arm under his head and the other carefully reaching out to tuck a lost strand of blonde hair behind his ear. His hand hovers above the left side of his face, desperate to _touch_ him— just a finger to the cheekbone, or to pull him into his arms— just to hold him, even for a little while. Even if he couldn’t.

Sunwoo folds his fingers into his palm, retracting his hand and holding it right over his chest where his heart beat at a thousand miles per hour for something it shouldn’t be. He sighs quietly, the weight of the action heavy on his breathing, and the weight of the feeling so much heavier on his heart.

“Hey,” He whispers, and with his voice even quieter he tells him, _“I love you.”_

Sunwoo only silently hurts at how bitter the words taste when they fall out of his mouth. The words that with every day he couldn’t say them, made his every waking morning harder than the last. A single tear spills down his nose bridge and onto the hardwood floor, where it’ll stay forever, although invisible, as a memory of the night Sunwoo told a sleeping Eric he loved him, the same night it took him every ounce of strength not to fall apart.

He grimaces, chuckling quietly to himself. “I was kidding about the chocolate galaxy, Eric, I love the stars. I know them. I know _you._ ”

“It’s kind of funny, actually, ‘cause we were just talking about the stars. You know? Stars are— they’re time machines. The light you see from them now is the same one dinosaurs and Pythagoras saw millions of years ago.”

Sunwoo momentarily takes his eyes off of him when he smiles at the thought and they fold into upside down crescent moons. He exhales, focus trailing back to Eric’s sleeping figure.

“And in a little bit of a similar way, the light you’re looking at now could be the same one someone else is. They'd tell you it was your universal partner or something, right?”

The shape of Sunwoo’s lips slowly drops, eyes still locked on Eric. “Your soulmate. Right?” The complete silence from the other end is almost deafening.

“Sometimes I just wish you’d stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself, and understand what I mean. Because I’m always looking at you.” Sunwoo finds his hand reaching out for him again, just centimeters away from his lips, but he stops himself dead in his tracks one more time, fingernails digging into his palm.

“There are over _100 thousand million stars_ in the Milky Way alone— and not a single one of them comes close to the one you are. I never really got why people had favorite stars, until I met you. You’re my favorite star, Eric.” He bites down on his bottom lip to try and stop the second tear, threatening to spill down his cheek.

“I guess I’m just not your sky… am I?”

Sunwoo pokes fun at himself a little more, covering it all up, every word and every feeling that comes with it stinging harder than the last ones did. It hurts just a little more when Eric stirs in his sleep, in the middle of everything, unconsciously shifting closer to him and all Sunwoo’s heart calls out for is to hold him and pray he never has to let go, but he doesn’t— because he _can’t._

He pulls himself away as Eric comes even closer, the distance between them never smaller but never farther at the same time.

Instead, Sunwoo does what his head tells him to, reaching over for his phone and letting Juyeon know Eric had fallen asleep before him, and that he would be home in a few minutes. Juyeon tells him to be careful on the way home and that he’d cleaned his room for him earlier in the day, and Sunwoo feels his heart drop into his stomach. He never deserved Eric in the beginning, but he definitely doesn’t deserve Juyeon now.

Because they only deserved _each other_ , he thought, before his heart dropped again.

Sunwoo drops his phone onto his chest, the weight not quite as heavy where it was numb. He lolls his head to the side, lazily resting on the carpet, facing the same Eric out cold. The sensation burns when his fingers dance on the carpet, dangerously close to Eric’s own. He stops there, pretending they were touching— pretending they could.

“You know, if I didn’t accidentally take your picture that day, do you think we would have been friends now?” He chuckles, fiddling with the loose thread between their hands.

“Or if— if you didn’t find me on the street like that that winter, would we have been this close now? Huh.”

Sunwoo’s mind starts to play tricks on him, an inner battle of “should I or not” taking place when the next question pops into his head. His eyelids slowly flutter closed when he sighs for the nth time the night.

“If we weren’t at the cherry tree last spring, if you’d never met Juyeon-hyung that day…” Sunwoo opens his eyes. “Would you have been together right now?”

He chews on the skin of his lower lip, a sad smile painting itself across his face at the thought of it. Sunwoo breathes in, smile dropping, whisper growing the quietest it ever has, and hot tears making his pupils glossy.

“If I told you I loved you sooner, would you have chosen _me_?”

A mindless burst of heat climbs from the bonfire in the pit of his stomach and up into his throat, rendering his speech incapable, his words drying out faster than wildfire spread. Sunwoo feels like he’s high, like too much of a substance’s sped through his veins and glued him to the floor, unable to move.

The fire dances in his chest and the temperature change makes itself known in the color of his cheeks— only this time, he wasn’t so much shy and flustered at an intertwining of their fingers as he was lost and stuck in the consequences of trying to get into a world he just wasn’t _meant_ to explore.

Sunwoo feels bullets of perspiration pool at his neck, bringing a hand up to the hem of his hoodie to stretch it away from his body in the hopes of some cool down. In a moment the realization hits him like a shot of ice and is enough to wake him, sending him up with his backpack strapped on and a foot already out the window of Eric’s room.

“Hey… hey-“

The sound makes Sunwoo whip his head around so fast he could’ve broken his neck. He turns to see Eric mumbling incoherently, reaching out for something. Sleep-talking again? Or a nightmare… probably. Sunwoo freezes in his spot, not daring to breathe, as he waits for Eric to calm down.

“No, you,”

At that Sunwoo is quick to step back inside and attempt to carry the boy over to his bed. He carefully slides both of his arms under his body, and when lifting him doesn’t work, he decides to just let him sleep there peacefully instead, stretching over him to grab a pillow and a blanket. Sunwoo doesn’t think he’s been more cautious with anything his entire life when he places the pillow under Eric’s head and the blanket over his curled up frame.

The 3 am breeze blows harshly through the open window, blowing his hair up, and Sunwoo would never forgive himself if Eric found himself with a cold in the morning. So, even if by doing so he’d have to, he pulls his hoodie off over his head and softly drapes it across Eric’s shoulders, making sure every part of him was warm and comfortable.

He stops dead in his tracks when Eric mumbles incoherently again, squirming in Sunwoo’s light hold. Sunwoo pushes himself closer at a safe distance to hear.

“Eric, it’s okay, I’m here.”

Eric stretches his arms out for something, eyes still shut tight, and Sunwoo finds it so adorable it makes fireworks explode in his chest. The corners of his lips slowly turn up into a smile as he quietly laughs to himself and playfully takes Eric’s stretched out arms in his.

“What is it?”

Eric murmurs, calling out. “Ju— Juyeon-hyung,”

The crash comes down just a little later than it should, with Sunwoo discovering his heart had disappeared off into darkness somewhere, and the insides of his stomach twisting funny, but not like it was filled with butterflies.

Instead, like he had just been punched in the _gut._

Still, he gently drops Eric’s arms in his back onto the blanket, a lot similar to how his smile does, and brushes his hair with his fingers. Sunwoo takes the calm down as his cue to leave and gets up to the window again, but not before running back with not a logical thought in place to leave the ghost of his lips, ever so softly, on the top of his head. Maybe along with the ghost of his heart.

Sunwoo fights the tears that spill in faster streams down his face as he runs back home in the freezing night, in a thin shirt without a hoodie, holding a chest empty without the heart, and of course, bearing a night sky dark without the one star he couldn’t have.

Maybe if he stayed— even for just a little longer— though, he would’ve heard what he really was meant to.

“Let… Sunwoo stay. Please.”

* * *

Sunwoo would tell you Eric was a star in the night— his star, his greatest wish, the center of his universe. Everyday he wished he could just look at him forever. Eric was a hazy dream of the Heavens, but Sunwoo was too far out in reality.

Eric Sohn was always, _always_ Sunwoo’s brightest star. Sunwoo just couldn't be his sky.

**Author's Note:**

> this was a section of a much longer fic I was working on but of Course I got carried away and made it too long so boom! a relatively shorter one shot! i can’t be helped. 
> 
> sorry if their feelings were confusing thanks to that last line trust me I’m just as confused ;;
> 
> hope it was an enjoyable read, though :[ this was so hard because I love sunric and juric equallyyayayayay 
> 
> come bully me on twitter @1025wrld! i write socmed aus too <3


End file.
